Perseverance

I don't know how many times I have tried to write this post. I have been searching for all of the right words to say and nothing comes out right. It is one of those posts that easily gets bogged down with too much military lingo, whining and rambling explanations. So I am going to try to keep it simple:

The Army is sending my best friend/husband to South Korea for a year, I will be staying in Maryland. When we first got these orders I was ecstatic, because I thought I was going to go with. Then our paperwork was denied. We are going to try to re-apply once Jeremy gets there, hopefully it will go through. We are in another kind of limbo, so we are (as always) preparing for the worst (another year apart) and hoping for the best (us being together in Korea).

Regardless what happens we will be ok. We know that God has a plan for both of us, we just have to trust and persevere through this. Perseverance is a word I hadn't really thought too much about before the Army. It is because of the Army I am beginning to understand it's true meaning. To me perseverance is about never losing hope and never giving up when you are not only on empty, but have been running on empty for miles. It is the tenacity to say "I can do this" and the humility to realize some things are out of your control. It is being flexible with your decisions and the willingness to prepare for the unlikely; all while reaching for your goals. Perseverance is me saying that I will not only survive having Jeremy go to Korea, but also thrive, learn and motivate myself while he is gone. I will see the silver-lining and embrace it. It is me also saying, that I won't loose hope that I could actually be able to move to Korea with him. That I am willing and able to prepare for a international move, even though it may not happen. That I not only look forward to that adventure but will find my own way in a country I never have been in. I will accept whatever decision is made by the Army and then learn to grow from it. That is my version of perseverance and my way of being at peace with this decision.

Regardless what happens I plan on being better about posting on my blog... so stay tuned. :)

Did ya miss me?

This is what has happened since February 1, 2013:

- Jeremy left for Basic Training at Fort Jackson. He was in Fort Jackson for 10 weeks; I received a total of three short phone calls from him while he was gone. We wrote each other letters every single day. I learned a lot while Jeremy was gone: that dishes don't magically wash themselves, how long I can actually go without doing laundry (2 weeks), that dogs are truly angels on earth, that no matter how much you try to prepare to be an Army wife... you'll never be prepared, and that I can handle a heck of lot more than I ever thought possible.

- Bella's pancreas tried to kill her. Bella actually started getting sick before Jeremy left for basic training. We took her to the vet, they diagnosed her with Acute Pancreatitis. So she was hospitalized for two days. We thought that was the end of it. However even after the hospitalization she was still having some weird eating, drinking and *ahem* bathroom problems. So the week before Jeremy left he ended up taking care of sweet baby Bella instead of all of the activities he had planned for his farewell from Maryland and DC. We weren't discouraged; we figured it would be all worthwhile because Bella would be all better before Jeremy actually left. For a couple of days she was great, then the day Jeremy left she got sick again. We both played it down, but I think we both knew it was serious. Very long story short, Bella went back to the vet 5 different times in February alone, one of which I had a nervous breakdown in front of the vet (not my finest hour). She lost over 10 lbs and was losing a ton of hair. On vet trip 4 we did a ultra-sound which showed nothing. On vet visit number 5 the vet decided that we needed to do exploratory surgery to check Bella's pancreases, stomach, and intestines and to look for cancer. So Bella got the exploratory surgery, and they found nothing. At this point I was pretty much running on no sleep and pure, stress; the vet finally said well let's try steroids and a special diet. And bing-go-bang-go Bella was good as new after about 2 weeks. To date the vet isn't really sure what went wrong with Bella, was it residual problems from her pancreatitis, was it the dog food, or was it stress from having her daddy gone? Who knows. To date Bella has gained back all of her weight and is healthy has ever. She is off the steroids and is slowly being moved off the prescription dog food.

- I sold my beufitul Jeep Libery. It was a sad day but we have saved a lot of money on payments, gas, maintance and insurance becoming a one car family.

- Jeremy graduated Basic Training. After going through everything with Bella there was no way I was going to leave the dogs at home; so they traveled with me to Fort Jackson, SC. Jeremy's parents were also able to make the trip. I thought I was going to cry like a baby when I saw Jeremy, but instead I was more in a silent kind of awe. He is such a good man and to see him in uniform just solidified how proud I was of him.

- We celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary eating steak in a park. Jeremy's graduation landed right on the weekend of our wedding anniversary. After he graduated I was able to drive him to Ft Lee for his AIT. We had one night of being a normal family and then we checked Jeremy in at Ft Lee. We then learned that Jeremy couldn't leave post the rest of that day. So we hung around and decided that it would probably be best that I just go home, even if that meant we would have to spend our anniversary apart. There were a lot of tears, but we sucked it up and parted ways. Then we learned our first lesson on how the Army can change in a moment’s notice, and sometimes if you're lucky to our advantage. Jeremy was granted a off post pass the next day for our anniversary. We of course had the two dogs with us (they were ecstatic to have Dad back again) so we went for a hike and then needed a creative way to have an anniversary dinner with the dogs and not in a hotel room. Thank goodness for Texas Roadhouse take-out. We had a lovely diner in a park straight out of the take-out containers; and you know what it was probably the best anniversary dinner we've ever had.

- Everything broke: Cabinent doors, closet doors, DVD Players, AC units, Showers, Toliets, headlight, kitchen lights, even Buddy the Subaru Forester tried to stop working. With a little enquinity, google.com, my brother, my dad and my local subaru dealership everything got fixed.

- We learned that the Army can change at a moment’s notice, and sometimes it is to our disadvantage. Upon arriving to Ft Lee Jeremy learned that he wasn't actually in his training school, he was in the selection process for this training school and that only 15% of the people get selected. Long story short he didn't pass the test to be selected and we were stuck in limbo. He had to be given a new MOS (or job). The Army calls this process reclassification, pretty much soldiers are volun-told a new job by the Army. The process usually takes about 2-4 weeks. In our case it took 13 weeks; which is a long time to be apart due to paperwork. I was able to make one trip down to see Jeremy without the dogs and one trip to see Jeremy with the dogs while he was at Ft Lee waiting to be reclassed. It was stressful to not have control over our next steps were going to be and when they were going to happen; BUT it taught us both a lot about how the Army operates and being patient and positive. Jeremy now has a great, new MOS and will be at Ft Sill for about 10 weeks. After that we will finally get to live together again after over a half of a year.

Congratulations, you've made it to the end of the longest post ever! Thank you if you have read this far. I will try to update this blog more moving forward.

Army Strong

Jeremy will be leaving for Army Basic training at Fort Jackson this February 2013. To some of you this might come as a surprise  but we are extremely excited for this new chapter in our lives. When I met Jeremy in college he wanted to join the Coast Guard; however he was dating a Colorado native and as you can imagine there aren't many coasts to guard in that land-locked state. So he graduated with his bachelors in Hospitality Management and started his career with Hilton.

Jeremy thrives in a team oriented, high-stress environment and thus he did extremely well in hotels. We were married and eventually moved for a hotel promotion to Massachusetts and to be near the ocean. Things were as perfect as two people could ask for, but there was something missing. Jeremy didn't feel like he was accomplishing anything that really mattered regarding hotels. It was right around this time my old job in Colorado offered me a promotion and we returned to our home state. Jeremy took this time to soul search and decided that he really wanted to serve the people. He was hired on with a Denver-area police force and did exceptionally well. However, he still didn't feel like it was the correct place for him for many reasons.

After a lot of discussion and soul-searching he decided he should go back to working for Hilton. Again, he did exceptionally well he was promoted. This time we moved to Maryland... but again something was missing. I reminded Jeremy of when he wanted to join the Coast Guard all of those years ago and that is what sparked our Army journey. It turns out that Jeremy, who is 29, was too old for the Coast Guard; but that didn't stop him for finding the right opportunity to serve. After talking with the Army recruiter he was hooked. At first I was nervous, because we had already been through so much change. What if this opportunity wasn't the right one? And then I read the Army Creed "...a member of a team... serve the people... never accept defeat... never quit, never leave... disciplined... trained... professional... guardian of freedom..." It was finally a "job description" that fit my husband.



We have gotten many questions as to why is he joining now, at his age and leaving a good career that he excels in? To those questions he responds, "Why should it only be our young people who serve? Why not someone who has a little more life-experience, who has lead and managed people and lived through some of the stresses of life? Why can’t I protect my family, freedom and land that I love?"

We know there will be challenges, bumps and changes ahead. But I honestly couldn't be more proud of Jeremy and of this decision we made for our family.

Wyatt's & Bella's Anti-Work Coalition

I don't know about you, but I have a love-hate relationship with my alarm clock. I love it because it gets me up in time to go to work, even when it is dark and cold outside. But I hate it because... it is an alarm clock, 'nough said. I will shamefully admit that I have to set at least 2 alarms to get out of bed in time for work. I even have to change the rings occasionally to keep my sleepy subconscious guessing. Usually between my double alarms I wake up with time to spare for work. That is until Wyatt and Bella formed the Anti-Work Coalition; my dogs are WAY too smart. I don't mean this in a "hey, look at how amazing my dogs are" way... I mean it "gosh darn dogs are outsmarting me again" way. This is how my last couple of mornings have started.

Alarm 1: In a sleep-panic I hit the snooze button. Everyone hits snooze, right? Please say yes, thank you. Wyatt and Bella look at each other and then slowly inch closer to me on the bed.

Alarm 1, second ring: Uh, I hate that noise! I turn it off. Wyatt and Bella snuggle even closer. They have perfected the super cuddly-but-not-annoyingly-close closeness where I can feel their happy sleep-breathing and body heat, which reminds me it is winter and the floor will be cold in the bathroom. Brr...

Alarm 2: I turn off the alarm, starting to wake up now. Then Wyatt and Bella lay their little heads on me... okay just a few more minutes guys.

Alarm 3, final alarm (don't judge): I turn off the alarm. Start to get up but then Bella (who is only snuggly in the morning) wants to be held and little Wyatt gives me his sad, but "Mom it is too early, come back to bed" look. I say, okay I will snuggle with you guys for a couple minutes but then I really have to get up. *Happy puppy sighs of contentment*


10 minutes later: Panic! "Guys, you are making me late! We have to get up, you guys need walked and I have to go to work!" I rush out of bed and get ready for work. I am dressed waiting in the living room with the leashes. "Guys? Time to get up!" I hear Bella stretching out on the bed. "WALK! Let's go. WALK!" Bella and Wyatt slowly stretch and walk towards the door. They take their time doing their business on the walk, which of course leaves me freezing by the time I get back to the apartment. Then my oh so clever dogs look at me... hop right back on to the bed and say "Don't go to work, stay here where it is warm. Yea, stay and snuggle with us." I force myself to turn-away, give them their treat for the day (let’s be honest, it is bribery for them to be good dogs for the day) and begrudgingly head off to work with mis-matched socks and wet-hair all because my dogs have played up my weaknesses for more doggy-time.

"Don't go to work. Stay here and cuddle with us."

Snow-Dragons

When we first moved to Maryland one of my most common questions to people was "Do we get snow in the winter?" I would get a range of answers to "Yes, feet of snow!" to "barley any snow." Last winter we went pretty much the entire season without a true snowfall (or what this Colorado-native would call a snowfall). So I will probably still be dreaming of a white Christmas, because it looks Mother Nature isn't going to provide one. I know Colorado just received some snow, but before you start saying "if you wanted a white Christmas move back to Colorado" (ha, caught you didn't I). I will kindly remind you that I had plenty of snow-less Christmases in Colorado. Especially growing up in the deserty-Grand Valley. But when it did snow, no matter how little we always made the best of it.

When we were little we would go sledding on the "sledding hill." I would usually be too scared to actually go down the hill until my brother, brother or cousin offered to ride down with me... and even then I was a little scared. But eventually the fear wore off and I would gleefully ride to the bottom and then hike back up the hill, over and over until finally I was either too tired or too cold to make the trip again. Of course as the years went by the sledding hill became smaller and smaller and soon we moved on to hooking up the sledding disk behind the four-wheeler. One of us would drive and the other would hold on for dear-life as we bounced over the ruts in the field. We would have snowball fights, make snow-angels and generally live in the cold, wet snow whenever it visited our farm. Eventually our Carhart overalls and coats, and gloves would become soaked completely through and we would trudge back into the house and line up the coats, gloves and boots in front of the heater to dry.

Because snow was a fleeting occurrence on the farm it always held a certain amount of magic for me. There is something almost mystical about walking out into a snowy night. It is so quiet and peaceful, leaving you with the feeling that just about anything could happen. When I was a little girl my Mother would tell me stories of Snow-Dragons as we walked along the roads. She would point to the hills of snow that built up in the fields and say "Look! There is a snow-dragon sleeping, we have to be very quiet so we don't wake him!" Of course this thrilled and terrified me as a child; I was always on the lookout for sleeping snow-dragons. Even as an adult I find myself spotting them in the snowy landscapes. Maybe we will be blessed with snow this year and I will spot some Maryland snow-dragons.

Family

I went home for Thanksgiving to see my family, friends and Colorado. I was able to go for a hike, play with my adorable nephews, talk with my sister and spend time with my parents. I also was able to spend a little time with an Uncle and his wife that I hardly knew as a child. It wasn't that they didn't want to be there, they just thought they weren't wanted there; and my Mom thought that they didn't want to be there. And thus they weren't there. It is a odd story of what they accepted, and what we as people accept, as a reality. There is a lot of "I thought", "I assumed", "they said" and "I never thought about it" in the story. I find it interesting that we as people so readily accept the reality people build us, instead of building our own. Regardless it was a joy to discover an Uncle and Aunt during my trip.

My sister, Grandma and I

My other joy was to spend some precious time with my beautiful Grandma. My Grandmother has Alzheimer's and is in the very late stages. She is currently living in a special Alzheimer's wing of a nursing home. She had a couple of exceptional days while I was there which was such a blessing. I also saw her on a couple of the bad days, but I wouldn't have traded them for the world. My Grandma has taught me a lot about life, and even through this horrible disease she has taught me more: focus on the positive. When we visited with my Grandma we were constantly telling the happiest stories we could think of; those stories were what allowed her to smile and laugh in between the tears.

No one is perfect, and no one's family is perfect; but when we focus on the positive everything is easier to accept and allows us to see the good in every experience, even the really hard ones.

One Year in Maryland

It is hard to believe we have lived in Maryland for a little over a year now. After surviving the humidity of the summer I can now say that I really do love this state. It has such a nice blend of everything: South & North, Rural & Urban, Hiking & Water Activities, Ocean & Land and Culture & History. I have learned a lot about different cultures and sub-cultures while living here. I have also learned a great deal about myself and my own perceived notions about other people and cultures. When I first moved here I was so intimated by all of the different types of people. I was so afraid I would upset them by something I would say or do. I have since learned that a smile is always universal and you will almost always  get a smile back in return. Compassion and kindness are such simple things to give, and yet people hold on to them as if they were of short supply. I believe in trying to be the change in the world. Opening the door for someone, helping them lift something, letting a car in traffic, etc: such small things and yet they create such a big ripple. That has been one of my favorite things about living here, seeing that ripple. My second favorite thing about living here is all of the hiking. The trails, even through the summer, remain fairly unused. I love hiking in Colorado but sometimes with the two dogs we spent more time on the side of the trail letting people pass then actually hiking. Here in Maryland we can let Bella and Wyatt off the leash and not worry about running into other people. Bella loves "playing wild dog" in the woods. She will slip into stealth-mode running through the trees and bushes looking for squirrels to terrify. Wyatt usually stays on the trail with us, however he is usually behind us basking in all of the smells. It is funny the places life takes you. I would have never thought I would fall in love with Maryland and yet after a year here I can say that it is true; Maryland is truly a hidden, misunderstood, gem of the United States.